I’m Leigh Love. I wear L jewelry and have L monogrammed on bags, blankets, and hats. I never thought I would be scared to utter the L word. But for the past 6 months, I’ve been trying to come to terms with an L word that has changed my life. It’s taken 6 months for me to be able to say the word without crying. Inhale. Exhale. My name is Leigh and I live with Lupus.
L stands for Lupus. Lupus has controlled every aspect of my life in 2025 from what I eat, to what I cannot eat, how much energy I have, my mood, my memory, my weight, my hair, my skin and my relationships. It’s taken all year for me to accept my diagnosis and a life with Lupus. With acceptance now comes control. Instead of being controlled by a chronic autoimmune disorder, I work each day to control my symptoms, my outlook on life including my physical, mental, and spiritual wellness. I’ve learned to turn channel that control into gratitude and thankfulness for this new journey for my life.
L standard for Life. Life looks different every day when I wake up. I don’t know if after hours of sleep, I’m still going to feel physically exhausted or whether I will wake with swollen knees unable to get out of bed. With the unknown from day to day, I’ve learned to be thankful for another day, a good day without pain. Moments of joy in my life are now being able to breath in fresh air without an inflamed lung, enjoy a 15-minute walk without chronic fatigue, and embracing ownership over my body.
L stands for Liberty. Liberty has a new meaning for me these days. To be free to control my own body and my own fate areprivileges I do not take that for granted. I felt oppressed for months when I was first diagnosed. Oppressed by a secret and oppressed by my body. My body was a prison and my greatest enemy to my self-worth. Today, I am the master of my own fate by controlling my diet, my medications, my exercise, and takingcare of my mental health. Living with Lupus can be lonely in the moments of brain fog, blurred vision, pain and soreness. But a text, a call, a doorbell ring reminds me I’m not alone and have support.
L stands for Love. And the greatest of these L’s is love. Love from my family, friends, and most importantly myself. Self-loveis healing, transformative, and empowering. That is especially true when self-love requires acceptance of your illness, flaws and mortality. When faced with a chronic autoimmune disease, you treasure your healthy days. You learn to love the little joys of life. You appreciate small moments that now seem monumental because you now understand how precious everybreath can be. Love cannot conquer it all, but damn it makes you feel like you’re stronger and braver. Learning to love your body again after feeling like it’s betrayed and failed you is a difficult journey. But it’s a journey that’s given me strength, perseverance, and pride.
L stands for Leigh. The person that stands here today is an evolution of my former self. I have mourned the loss of the “old” Leigh. I’ve mourned the loss of my “old” body. I have come to terms with the reality that I will never be as I once was. And now, I focus on dreaming, creating and building the best version of Leigh in this new stage of life. This Leigh is ready to embrace this new season and take charge of this journey of life. Lupus has changed my life. But it doesn’t define me. It’s simply a new companion on my journey that will become a part of my life story.
I’ll be sharing more soon. Until then, L stands for learning to live life well. Learning to be free. Learning to liberate oneself from old ways of thinking. Learning to love the new Leigh.
Love,
Leigh Love
